The Lighter Side of MMF, Part X

Back in the previous century, I posted a series of articles to the MMF Hall of Humiliation. Titled "The Lighter Side of MMF", these were designed to parody current events and humiliate MMFools. Well, I have decided to start up the series again, and some day I may actually get the original articles and reformat them and post them on this site.

Here is another little bit of MMF-related humor, designed to poke a bit of fun at current events while not offending too many people - or at least not the ones that matter. -etee

Is This What They Meant By 'Campaign Finance Reform'?

Wellesley MA- A local Democrat bigwig hit upon a new strategy for combatting the GOP's fundraising efforts. And, unbeknownst to him, it is about to hit back.

One of the Wielders of the ClueStick forwarded me this email some time ago. It is a standard '5-reports' MMF, complete with the intro by 'Jonathan Rourke' and the "AS SEEN ON NATIONAL TV!" hype. It promises you can make lots of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ Fa$t! if you will just purchase the worthless reports, and spam everybody you can with the email, after putting your name on the list. This particular letter had the following Fool behind Report #1:

Jack Duffy (#3)
6 Linden Square
Wellesley, MA 02482

So, what can we find out about Mr. Duffy?

According to his web site, he is the president of "American Federal Corporation", which appears to be involved in web malls, dating services, and a lot of other stuff. A lady named 'Carmen Ana Chico' is the Executive VP. They appear to be involved in the Puerto Rican statehood movement, based on this web page, where they are trying to influence the conservative Republicans. That is very interesting, as this web site says that Mr. Duffy is the chairman of Wellesley's Democratic Caucus. And, this was confirmed from the Google cache of the former Wellesley Democratic Town Committee website (which as since disappeared).

According to the former website, the goals of this committee are:

1. To engage more citizens of Wellesley in political activities, thereby enhancing the democratic process;
2. To provide a forum to discuss important social and political issues and further public awareness;
3. To work to elect Democratic candidates in national, state and local partisan elections.

Oh, these funny Democrats, they slay me. je je je je je :-)

Hmmm, strange. I don't see "To rip people off by spamming and scamming people with an illegal pyramid scheme" anywhere on that list. Maybe that is one of the important social issues you want to discuss. Or, maybe this is one of the reasons the GOP candidate WON THE ELECTION! In any case, we at the SCC are taking care of the "and further public awareness" part.

And, unlike most MMF chain letters, he starts his off with the following GUARANTEE:

"I'll pay you $100 if the following is not valuable and well worth your time."

OK, Mr. Jack Duffy, where do we go to collect our $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ?

Now It's Time for a Little...Viewer Mail!

Our letter today comes from a self-confessed MMFool, Nads B. Gone:

Dear 'Commander', I think you are GAY and you run a GAY web site. My friends ::kik:: and Alisha and Matt agree with me. How come you are so GAY? Matt says [naughty word] U [naughty word] [naughty word] piece of [naughty word] he wants to kick your [naughty word] U [naughty word] . Alisha says in the name of Jesus [NAUGHTY WORD] YOU! We make a lot of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ and you are just so jealous you want to be like us. You're just GAY.

Nads B. Gone,

It isn't gay, that's the folks who are GLAAD; it's happy. We at the SCC are always happy. Are you happy? I am sure you are, with all the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ you have made. And, you can prove it to us, by following these simple instructions:

If you're happy and you know it,
smash your 'nads! (wham! wham!)
If you're happy and you know it,
Smash Your 'Nads! (Wham! Wham!)
If you're happy and you know it,
Then your face shall surely show it -
If you're happy and you know it,
SMASH YOUR 'NADS! (WHAM! WHAM!)

I would have referred you to a particular Great Old One as a midnight snack, but it appears someone has already eaten your head. Too bad.

[Ed. note: I changed 'gay' to 'happy' for two reasons: first, so the ditty would sound right; and second, so it wouldn't seem I was encouraging MMFools to engage in 'gay-bashing' (which is a Very Bad Thing" to do.)]

TONS OF MONEY FOR ONLY 6 BUCKS!!

The Island of Yap- An enterprising young entrepeneur has discovered a way to Make Your $$$$MONEY$$$$$ Grow! While vacationing on the island of Yap, he wandered into a souvenir ship and spotted a large round stone. Upon inquiring, he was told that this was an example of the local currency, and that it was 4,000 pounds. So, he decided to send out a mass mailing from his hotel room, offering the opportunity to

Turn $6 into £4,000 in 60 Days!

The authorities then paid him a visit, and told him that it was 4,000 pounds DEADWEIGHT, not 4,000 pounds STERLING. So, he sent out another offer, reading

TONS OF MONEY FOR ONLY 6 BUCKS!!

At this point, the authorities decided they had had enough of this MMFool. They arrested him, confiscated all his $$$$MONEY$$$$$ , and brought him to trial. The judge decided the MMFool needed to be with his own kind, so the judge ordered him sealed up in a nuclear-waste storage pit, where he will spend the next 100,000 years or so 'cooling off'.

"The Lighter Side" Quote of the &TIMEPERIOD

"His story to me, by the way, is that he's the hapless victim of an open relay, which he's fixed. Too bad he doesn't know what an open relay is. Dork."- Michael, referring to 'Honest Abe' Bruce Berube, upon awaking from his 20-year long slumber.

"Better Humiliation Through Haiku"

In part of an ongoing effort to realize my personal goal of "valuing diversity", I have decided to torment you further with this section, where I try to get my point across via the Japanese poetic form known as "haiku". Read this, grasshopper, and cry in your sake...

'Nigeria 419' Scammers Discovered With Heads Eaten!

The Lost City of R'lyeh, somewhere in the South Pacific- Security personnel uncovered a macabre sight today, while investigating a tip about a "Nigeria 419" fraud ring suspected to be operating in the area. They found a half-dozen men in a room with PCs and phone lines, all of them missing their heads. Marks on the necks indicate that their heads had been bitten off by some type of monster, and were then eaten. Investigators also found a woman who had removed her eyes from their sockets with a spoon.

Next to one of the bodies was found a strange note, which read:

Yo, Larry -
Send the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ or your head is squid food.
Love,
He Who
Shall Remain
Nameless.

Investigators have tried to question the woman, who for some reason was using the pseudonym 'Larry Odogwu', but all she can say is "AAAIIIEEEEEE!!! UGLY...MOLLUSK...IN...SPEEDO...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

Hey, what have we here? It appears to be a picture, which fell out of the woman's hand. Let's see, it looks like a... "AAAIIIEEEEEE!!! UGLY...MOLLUSK...IN...SPEEDO...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! MUST...DIG...OUT...EYES...WITH...SPOON..."

The 'Nigeria 419' or 'Advance Fee Fraud' scam is where the 'mark' (sucker) is offered a percentage of the take in return for helping someone illegaly remove a large amount of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ from the country. Full details on this tragic story can be found right here.

This issue of "The Lighter Side" brought to you by , and published courtesy of the Spicey Chicken Cartel. Contains satire and irreverent humor, and is intended to parody current events and MMFools. Opinions are those of the author. If you don't like how I drive or write, file your complaint with fine folks at 'Entropy And Telescopes - Measurement Enforcement!'

Eat More Spicey Chicken!

* "There is no Spicey Chicken Cartel."

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) does not engage in animal testing. All our tests are performed on human subjects (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).