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The 2001 SCCAMMI Awardz Nominations

Next to verifying the job skills of prospective White House interns, administering LARTs to MMFools is the most strenuous activity you can participate in. And, after a long day of fighting the Evil Ones Who Are Also Really Stupid, inputting targetting coordinates for KlooMissiles™, and deciding whether or not to use the optional KlooTonium™ warheads, what does the overworked, underappreciated eRAICer crave most to go along with their Spicey Chicken? A Chance to Laugh At The St00pidity of MMF00lz , of course!

So, in the public interest, your Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) is presenting the "2001 Spicey Chicken Cartel's Annual Money Making Idiotz (SCCAMMI) Awardz", where we acknowledge the Best of the Best - those Ph00lz in the "Circle of Jerk" who went way above and beyond the call to provide us with a steady source of laughter and amusement, and an equally steady set of target coordinates for our LART-illery practice.

Nominations are up from now until I decide to close them, and the winners will be announced when I darn well get around to it!

Please read the following legal disclaimer very carefully - there will be a test on it next week. The SCCAMMI Awards Program is subject to change or discontinuation without notice. SCCAMMI Awards are granted at my pleasure, and are in effect as long as I say so. If you don't like it, tough luck - you have no recourse. Blah blah blah blah ... blah blah blah. Purchase not required. Void where prohibited (Sorry Tennessee!)

And Now, the 2001 SCCAMMI Awardz Categories:

The "Karen Liddell" Award

For "the Wierdest, St00pidest, or Funniest 'reports' Scam".

The "David Rhodes" Award

For "the Wierdest, St00pidest, or Funniest 'send $1 to a bunch of ph00lz' Scam".

The Bill Clinton " I Didn't Spam That Woman!"Award.

Given to the MMFool who, upon being shown irrefutable proof that he/she participated in an MMF spam run, continues to deny his/her involvement.

The Ricky Ricardo "You got some 'splanin' to do" Award.

Given to the funniest example of an MMF where a non-native English speaker attempts to translate their local variant into English.

The Pat Buchanan "Right-Wing Patriot" Award.

For the most politically-conservative sounding MMF scam (e.g. including a rant against "big gummint" as part of the MMF text.)

The Algore "Left-Wing Patriot" Award.

For the most politically-liberal sounding MMF scam (e.g. including a claim that "spam email protects the environment by saving trees" as part of the MMF text.)

The Judas Iscariot "Scammerz for Christ" Award.

For the so-called Christian who uses their faith to promote their MMF scam.

The Cain (no Mute-iny) Award.

For the MMFool of the Jewish/Islamic faith who uses their faith to promote their MMF scam.

The Drill Sergeant Award.

For the best MMF scam where it sounds like the MMFool is ordering you around ("you WILL do this! Don't think, JUST DO IT!!!!111").

The Gloria Steinem "You've Come a Long Way Baby" Award.

For the best MMF scam that specifically targets women, or uses feminist lingo to push the scheme (for example, the "dinner party" scam).

The "Darwin" Award.

For the MMF scam was posted in the stoopidest place. Extra bonus points if said MMF scam was posted on a law enforcement agency's web board.

The Dick Solomon "3rd Rock" Award.

For the silliest and most spacey MMF scam. If it is funny, and it sounds like the author is out in orbit somewhere. may be nominated. Bonus points if the MMFool actually mentions UFOs, SETI, time travel, or the like.

The Ralph Wiggum Award.

For the most irrelevant jibberish in an MMF scam. (For example, if the author, before getting into the actual MMF scam, spends two long paragraphs telling a long story about his/her personal life that has absolutely nothing to do with $$$$MAKING MONEY FAST $$$$ .)

The "Will spam For Ph00d" Award.

For the whiniest MMF scam that is based on a plea for charity, due to the personal circumstances of the author ("PLEEEEEZE do this!!!! I'm about to lose my TRAILER and become HOMELESSSS if YOU Don't DO THIS!!!!!!11".)

The J-Walkers "Don't Know Much About History..." Award.

For the silliest display of a lack of knowledge of the workings of our federal gevernment (for example, the "Murkowski Bill" disclaimer, where the spammer claims government sanction for spamming activities based on a bill that never became law.)

How do I Nominate Someone Else for a SCCAMMI Award?

It's pretty simple, really. Send email to with the string "Give This Person a SCCAMMI!" in the title. State clearly who you are nominating for the SCCAMMI, provide a complete and conclusive dissertation on why they deserve the SCCAMMI in 25 words or less (including footnotes), and provide your driver's license, credit card number and expiration date in Rot-13 format.

Oh, yeah, you might want to tell me what award you are nominating them for, while you're at it.

How do I Nominate Myself for a SCCAMMI Award?

Do you REALLY want to do that?!?! Oh well, if you insist... Send email to with the string "KjxMu87#),EzArP!" in the title and the third line of the thirtieth paragraph. Be sure and give full details of your MMF scam. Be sure to send a copy to that True Friend and Father Confessor of Unsolicited Email Activists, .

Eat More Spicey Chicken!

* "There is no Spicey Chicken Cartel."

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) does not engage in animal testing. All our tests are performed on human subjects (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

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