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Chkn Littel: Report #4

This page contains one of the actual Four Valuable Reports that Chkn Littel promoted in her ill-fated pyramid scheme.

[Rating: C&C]

[Ed note - I am serious. Please remove all liquid refreshments from your mouth, and lock up the family furry animals, before reading this. Also, if you don't know the meaning of the word "parody", look it up in a dictionary before complaining to me about this.]

Report #4: Miranda Rights for Dummies!

In the era of the Information Super Highway, 50,000 people a month are getting on-line! That's right, I said 50,000 people each and every month! And, each of them is getting email, and looking forward to receiving email notes. And, what is the main reason that all these people are getting their own Internet? That's Right, it's because they want to earn $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! After all, what other reason could there possibly be?

Now, we all know that those bad people in NANA-E and the ga.tos can write all kinds of lies about you and the wonderful $$$$MONEY$$$$$ !-making rpograms you sell to other people. We know you just want to help humanity, that you are doing it "for the children", but do they accept this? Noooooo!!! They are JEALOUS of you, and want to prevent you from getting ahead in the world, and want to keep you in slavery in your cubicle.

And, they have a Devil's partnership with some of the government. So, you may be attacked by the US Postal Inspection Service, which is where they put all the Postal Workers who carry guns! And their job is to harass honest businessmen, and try to keep them from making $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! on the Internet!

So what if you do get harassed by these goons? What can you do to protect yourself?

First of all, The good ol' U S of A is the "Land of Frea Speach, and the Home of the Braves"! And that means you have some rights that Aliens do not have, like the right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! It also means that the authroities cannot make you tell them anything! And, if you do tell them stuff, you can later say that "It was just about Sex", or "There is no controlling leagel authroity" and as long as people are making lots of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! nothing will happen to you!

So, even if they threaten to have you dis-emvowelled, don't tell them anything! Insist on having something called an "attorney" there with you! He will not let them make you tell them stuff, besides these "attorneys" like $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! too, so maybe they will buy into your program!

And, if somehow the bad people and the USPIS do get you into court, what do you do? Well, you can pretend you are one of those Aliens, and that you don't speak English, so you can't tell them stuff. Or, you can tell them how you are the victim, the victim of those mean-spirited net.terorist extremists. You can also tell the people you were just trying to get your piece of the American Pie, but that the greedy Big Business Interests are too JEALOUS of you and are trying to stop you so they can keep all the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ ! for themselves! You can also offer to let the people sell the reports themselves and see if it is really as bad as the USPIS and the net.terorists say it is. Who knows, maybe the Judge will end up throwing the USPIS and the net.terorists in jail, and will tell your ISP to give you back your Internet!

And, if all else fails, you can spill a cup of hot coffee in your lap, and claim that the USPIS and the net.terorists are liable. After all, we know that they lie all the time, with their spaming and harassing and stalking, so they must be liable!

And remember, Never Give Up! You may be the Shining Example that breaks the evil monopoly of NANA-E and the net.terorists up, and lets us all use Our Internets the way God Intended them to be used - to make $$$$MONEY$$$$$ !

God Bless You, and God Bless America!

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* "There is no Spicey Chicken Cartel."

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) does not engage in animal testing. All our tests are performed on human subjects (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

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