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The 'e-Gyp-shun' Hieroglyphics, Re-Interpreted! (Part 1)

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC*)

Note: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblence between this story and and real people or events is strictly in your mind.

For many years, we have wondered just what exactly the Ancient Egyptians were trying to say when they wrote the hieroglyphics on the inside of the pyramids. Since it was discovered, the Rosetta Stone has provided a method of translating these writings into a language we can read.

Well, a new translation tablet has been found - the RAICsetta Stone. With this new tablet, some of the writings have been re-translated, and the results are proving to be most interesting.

In the shadow of some of the great pyramids, there was a little squat building. It belonged to an organization called the RAIC, which stood for ''Ranting Against Illegal sCams''. It was devoted to exposing, humiliating, and combatting the excessive number of get-rich-quick schemes that gave the country the name 'e-Gypped'. They maintained a chat room, where members (and visitors, too) could come and post whatever rant was on their mind. Below, I have one of those rants I have managed to translate:

Subject: I AM GOING TO SUE YOUR [naughty word]!!

My name is K-K-Kelvin Mugwump, and I am a professional painter. My [naughty word] paintings are considered Fine Art, and I work with beautiful babelicious female slaves, who think I am the [naughty word] BOMB (though they keep pronoucing it with a soft 'u' for some reason.)

Anyway, I stumbled into this chat room, and I found that some obese [naughty word] wrote something not nice about me. Not nice at [naughty word] all. Obviously, since he wrote not nice things about me, and I work with babelicious [naughty word] females who [naughty word] worship me, he must been educated in Greece, if you know what I mean.

However, I don't like that you mentioned my name in this piece of [naughty word] [naughty word] chat room. So, I [naughty word] DEMAND that you ROMOVE my [naughty word] name, and any [naughty word] reference to me, 10 DAYS AGO! Or else, I will pull my sock puppet out of my pants, and he will proceed to [naughty word] SUE the [naughty word] out of YOU, YOU, YOU!

THIS is my LAST [naughty word] WARNING! IF YOU [naughty word] WITH ME ANY MORE, I WILL [naughty word] SUE YOU AND [naughty word] TAKE ALL YOUR [naughty word] $$$$MONEY$$$$$! [naughty word] [naughty word]!

[naughty word] you,

K-K-Kelvin Mugwump
Professional Artistic Painter of Babelicious Female Slaves Who Worship Me

Apparently, this d00d needs to...

Eat More Spicey Chicken!

* "There is no Spicey Chicken Cartel."

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) does not engage in animal testing. All our tests are performed on human subjects (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

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Published on: 20-26 (340 reads)

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