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'pls kindly assist'

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC*)

OK, boyz and grrlz, it's THAT time again! What time, you ask? Why, time for another succulent helping of Spicey Chicken! Time for your Wing-Meister to fire up the ol' plasma furnace, and get ready to flash-fry another of the Feeble-Minded Ones who keep spamming my Inbox with GAURANTEED 100% LEAGLE WAYS TO MAKE $$$$MONEY$$$$$ FAST!!!!1

So, what'll it be? A nice Karen Liddel? A juicy ''AS SEEN ON NATIONAL TV''? How about a tasty ''5-Phool Mailing List''?

Or, maybe I'll just go for another 'Nigeria 4-1-9'. Yep, that sounds about right.

It seems like only yesterday that the 'Nigeria 419' was the hot scam-du-jour on the Internet. Maybe the first Internet Cafes had just opened up in Nigeria; maybe the political 'outs' were looking for their next round of financing to become the 'ins', and stumbled across an old papyrus copy of the 'Spanish Prisoner" scam. In any case, this scam found willing marks, despite the inconsistencies, bad grammar/spelling, and general lack of believability. Who knows, maybe it is the promise of Unfathomable Amounts of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ that gives the scam its appeal. I remember reading about one retiree, who had sunk like $500,000 into the scam, and believed that his 'benefactors' would give him his $$$$MONEY$$$$$, except that Dubya and the Federal Gummint were preventing it! Of course, this guy was from Florida, and so he likely voted for Buchanan.

But, I digress.

Anyway, this scam went International. It seems as if every Third-world country had someone who needed your help in looting their Treasury, and was willing to pay handsomely for the use of your bank account to help them accomplish this goal. Angola, Zimbabwe, South Africa, Congo, the Phillippines, even Thailand! Very recently, I got 419'd from a new country, and I thought I would share it with you, right here.

(A word of warning here: unlike the MMFoolishness normally seen in the good old US of A, the chain letter script-kiddies peddling their 'mailing lists' and 'valuable information reports', the perps who dabble in the Nigeria 4-1-9 scam can be some pretty bad d00dz. Serious. They like kidnap people and kill them and drain their bank accounts and stuff. So, if you are of a mind to brain-diddle them, be warned: don't give out any of your 'real' information, and for Bob's sake don't ever, EVER meet face-to-face with them.)

So, without further ado... The Scam!

Good day,

It may surprise you to receive this e-mail from me, especially when we
haven't had any previous dealings.However I contacted you through this
means because I received encouraging information about you.

Secondly, I am using this means so that my personality can be sheilded
until I am sure of your willingness to assist me in achieving the
purposes of this business which will be of a high benefit to you and to my

Doesn't surprise me a bit. I get spammed all the time. Annoys me somewhat, however, it does. Don't think the personality is 'sheilded' too well -- sp/cammers are pretty easy to spot, these days. But, go on...

I am Lieutenant Colonel Idris Azeez, Military Commander of
POLISARIO(Political Front for the Liberation of Western Sahara) and a
member of council of the National Secretariat of Western
Sahara(Saharawi Democratic Republic). Prior to my promotion to this rank/command, I was
the second in command to the former military Commander General Sahid
Adbelahib. He was however killed in battle in early May.

How does POLISARIO expand to 'Political Front for the Liberation of Western Sahara'? Must be a non-English thing. Sorry to hear about your forrmer CO, though. Just curious, do your duties as 'Military Commander of POLISARIO(Political Front for the Liberation of Western Sahara)' include fund-raising?


Ouch. Turn down the volume, please. Now, let me get out my Ouija board and have a psychic premonition: Someone I have never met is sending me an email, asking me to help them find someone to help them move a Bob-awful load of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ out of the country.

The struggle for the liberation of the Saharawi people from the strong
grip of Morocco and it's despotic government, hasza enjoyed funding from
private,religious and corporate organizations around the world, people and
organizations recognizes our struggle.

You are fighting Prince Rainier and the Grimaldi family? I can certainly understand why you need the funds: after all, they have all those casinos and such... Oh, you said 'Morocco'. I thought it was 'Monaco'. My bad...

These organizations are the ones who assist/aid POLISARIO with funds and
materials in execution of this war with Morocco. Before the death of my
former Military commander(General Adbelahib), we were given some
funds(US$35,000,000.00) by an international solid mineral
company donor to procure ammunitions for POLISARIO. My boss moved and
deposited these funds with a private security/finance company in

'Ammunitions', huh? I would think a 'solid-mineral' company, which was engaged in the mining business, could have just managed to 'misplace' a load or two of explosives. But, go on...

In my bid to audit our quarterly accounts I realized that the records of
the $35Million was not reflected in the books. As I continued my
investigation I unclosed the source of these funds. I found out that it
was my boss who deleted every record of this larges from the accounting
books because his intentions is to keep this particular funds for

Ah, one of your duties was that of Auditor. And, you noticed that your former boss was playing light-fingered Louie with some of the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ being donated to the cause, and of course you are going to be a good Military Commander of POLISARIO(Political Front for the Liberation of Western Sahara) and retrieve the funds... right?

I called him to a meeting(two of us) over this issue - that was in March
last year. He told me at the meeting that the funds as part of the
donations POLISARIO(Political Front for the Liberation of Western
Sahara) get year in and year out is to be kept for his use and the future
of his family since the future of the survival of the struggle is
uncertain. I saw his reasons and readily agreed with him because he
promised me a good fraction of the money there and then, especially when I
know that the money will never have a record trace ever.

Oh, you mean you discovered this while your former boss was alive? And, you actually confronted about this? Man, you got a set of big brass ones! Of course, you immediately agreed to partner with him in this scheme (did he promise you lots of $$$$MONEY$$$$$ if you agreed, and a bullet in the back of the head if you refused?) With this type of leadership, I too worry about the ' future of the survival of the struggle'.

However, as fate may have it General Adbelahib died at the wafront and I
became the military commander in June 2nd. And in addition to that the
only person on earth who has previlege of knowing the information of this
cash deposit. I have all the relevant documents pertaining to this

But, in your last paragraph, didn't you say the money 'will never have a record trace ever'?

I want to claim this funds knowing fully well that I have all the
relating documents needed to claim these funds. These documents are the
Certificate of Deposit with which the Cash was deposited, and also the
Deposit Agreement. I therefore want you to team/partner with me to collect
the funds in Europe as I require a foreigner to perfect this operation.
Let me know your terms.
I will provide all the necessary documents in my disposal to lay claim to
these funds -which as the requirement agreed-upon with the
security/finance company.

Why do you need a sucker foreigner to perfect this operation? Are you, like, on Interpol's Wanted List or something? Or, are you simply such a clueless bozo that you need some random person from another country to make this scheme work?

The issue is this: I will transfer legal ownership of these funds to you
so that you can then be the new beneficiary of the funds that way my link
to the funds terminated,for a smooth movement of the funds to you. There
are no risks involved in this business because I remain here and hold all
machineries involved in this business.
I should also clearly state here that as long as you keep this business
confidential there is no means whereby risk can be imported to it. This is
because someone elses knowledge remain the only thing that can
any risk to this deal. This is a simple and straight forward business, but
must be kept highly confidential so that we can record success in it
within the next 10 working days.

So, let's see... I get legal title to the $$$$MONEY$$$$$, but you keep the documents relating to the deposit. I guess that is to keep me from just taking the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ and running, but how do I get possession of the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ if you keep the documentation? And, what is this about 'risk'? I didn't read about any 'risk' earlier!

Upon the receipt of a positive response from you, I will give you
further details; outliningthe method of operation which has been
mastered to pull this transaction through soonest.

Hopefully, you will have them translated into English by someone who can, like, actually read and write the language.

Therefore, if you are interested, please do reach me via e-mail while I
perfect a better communication means for this project. Let me reiterate it
again, I will want everything about this transaction to be treated in
strictest confidence even if you are not interested.

So, I guess you don't want me, like, posting this email on a Web site or anything, do you? (Oopsie...)

I await your response.

(...cicadas chirping...)

Yours Sincerely,
Col.Idris Azeez.
Military Commander,
Western Sahara.

Wow. I say again, WOW.

And I thought our military had problems, what with 'forceful' interrogation techniques and using Iraqi detainees as unpaid pr0n stars and such. This d00d, on the other hand, seems to be after the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ his group needs to buy guns and bombs and stuff with. Larceny must be a trait highly sought after in the military leadership of the POLISARIO.

Of course, this could all just be a scam, looking for an opportunity to separate a Mark from his $$$$MONEY$$$$$.

What do you think?

Remember, if it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, and it swims like a duck, then for Bob's sake, DUCK!

And, don't forget to

Eat More Spicey Chicken!

* "There is no Spicey Chicken Cartel."

The Spicey Chicken Cartel (TinSCC) does not engage in animal testing. All our tests are performed on human subjects (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

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Published on: 20-05 (346 reads)

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